Why Healing Isn’t About Fixing Yourself

The Pressure to “Fix” Ourselves

So many of us come into therapy with a quiet belief: “If I can just fix this part of me, everything will finally fall into place.”
We’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, tried new diets, joined programs, maybe even repeated affirmations in the mirror. Yet the ache remains. We still find ourselves anxious in relationships, overwhelmed by daily demands, or exhausted from holding everything together.

The message we’ve absorbed — from society, from self-help culture, even from well-meaning professionals — is that we are broken and in need of repair. But this is one of the biggest myths in healing.

You’re Not Broken

What if nothing was wrong with you?
What if the very patterns you criticise in yourself — the overthinking, the people-pleasing, the shutdowns, the endless striving — were never flaws, but survival strategies?

Our nervous system is wired to keep us alive. When you fawn to avoid conflict, or go numb in overwhelming situations, or push yourself past exhaustion, your body isn’t betraying you. It’s doing what it learned to do to keep you safe.
Seen through this lens, the symptoms you wish away are not signs of weakness. They are signs of your strength and adaptability.

Healing Isn’t Erasing Parts of You

Because of this, therapy isn’t about “fixing” the anxious part, silencing the critic, or banishing the protector. Those parts have been loyal to you — sometimes painfully loyal. The work is to listen to them, to understand the story they carry, and to gently help them discover new options.

In somatic and parts work, we approach these protective patterns with curiosity and compassion, not force. Instead of saying “go away,” we ask: “What do you need? What are you trying to protect me from? Is there another way we can do this together?”

This approach softens the inner battle. You no longer have to fight yourself into change. Healing unfolds in relationship — with yourself, with your body, and with a safe other who can hold space for the journey.

Remembering Who You Are

At its heart, healing is less about becoming someone new and more about remembering who you are beneath the layers of survival.
It’s about uncovering the inner compass that’s always been there, even if it’s been hidden by fear, shame, or the weight of old roles.

When you stop trying to fix yourself, you create space to actually meet yourself. That’s where regulation, safety, and self-trust begin to grow.

The Role of Therapy in This Process

In therapy, we do more than talk about problems. Together, we create a space where your body can begin to feel safe enough to let go of hypervigilance.
We explore the patterns that make sense of your history. We use somatic tools to settle your nervous system. We bring compassion to parts of you that once felt unlovable.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s not to live without pain, or to erase every struggle. The goal is to feel more grounded, more connected, and more at home in yourself.

A Different Kind of Wholeness

When healing isn’t about fixing, it becomes about wholeness. Wholeness doesn’t mean everything is neat and tidy. It means you can hold the complexity of who you are with more kindness. It means your survival parts no longer run the show, but can rest as new, healthier patterns take root.

And perhaps most importantly: it means you begin to live from a place of authenticity, not self-judgment.